the 20 things I wish I knew in my 20’s.

Auto-captioned from the film, lightly cleaned. Elena's words, not edited prose.

hi hello I recently turned 28 and I've been reflecting on the things I wish I would have known throughout my 20s advice that I wish I could just like impart on younger me so I came up with a little list of the 27 things I've learned in 27 years let's get into it but we got to start with coffee obviously that's better listen number one stay curious I think going throughout life with a curious attitude is the most beautiful gifts you can give yourself I feel like it's quite common to kind of leave this sense of curiosity and wonder for the world to Childhood or even to the academic years when you're studying I think moving through life wanting to always learn something new and always be observant of the things going on around you or more specifically as my dad coins it being a lifetime learner is one of those things that enriches your daily experience but also just makes you into a better person you can't control how other people will perceive you or what their impressions of you will be as much as you may want to curate an image of yourself or want people to see you a certain way at the end of the day you can't control that and I found it best to let it go and just lean on your own understanding of yourself which is also something that's always morphing and changing redefine success this has been a huge one for me coming from Good Old capitalist USA as a former honor student I thought the most important thing in the world was to be successful especially in a traditional sense that's where I gained a lot of my sense of worth and validation and it's taken me a very long time to redefine what success actually looks like for me I used to think I wanted a girl boss my way all the way to the sun I've realized it's okay to no longer want to be the girl boss or change the world for that matter all of these things that I kind of thought were the benchmarkers of success I think I've really redefined I think it's freedom of time I think it's spending time with loved ones I think it's learning and growing and finding those things that like light a fire inside your chest and bring you a lot of joy and being able to spend time and energy on those things and less of this constant desire to make more maybe the goal should simply to try to be a good person love others well and hopefully impact a few people's lives in a positive way your body is your forever home so get used to it baby love it as it changes and matures and shows the sign of a life well- lived treat it well fuel it well keep it strong and healthy so you can do all the things that love to do so that you can be active and present for those people that are most important to you don't be too hard on yourself it's okay to not want to do it alone it's okay and normal to feel romantically alone and crave connection this one might be a little specific and might not apply to everyone but I feel like for all of you out there who raised to be hyper dependent and we told from a young age to be a strong independent woman and to not need a man you come to a point where you're like maybe I don't need one but I would love to have a healthy and loving relationship and it's hard for those of us who had to take care of ourselves and do things on our own for a very long time dating is just as much about learning about yourself as it is meeting someone new and this mental switch made dating so fun for me we're trying to get out there and meet someone new and it can feel like the absolute worst to go on a first dat we got to reframe it I used to hate going on first AIDS then I was like you know what this is a chance to meet someone new romantically or not and ultimately to get to learn a lot more about myself about what I like and what I don't like to not take it that seriously honestly most of my first dates are through hinge and I can't believe hinge is sponsoring this video because I've been an active hinge user for a long time even though I'm still looking for the one I learned so much from this and I've changed so much especially in this last year so I really want my hinge profile to reflect that so I'm going to expose myself y'all you better leave a little like because this is a little vulnerable and we are going to refresh my hinge profile together so let's pick some new prompts that better show the person I am today it's nice to start with a little Smiley photo one of my first prompts is we'll get along if you're down for rock concerts and last minute plane tickets cuz it shows a little bit of my lifestyle and my interests I think we can update this what you're reading right now it is a good conversation starter but we're going to add in this new prompt this year I really want to since a lot of my profile shows me as kind of a city girl I love hiking and backpacking trips if you've seen some my other videos I think a good conversation starter and a way to find someone that's maybe a bit more adventurous is we're going to do uh this year I really want to hike Mount Everest Base Camp with you I feel like this is a cute prompt cuz it's like good to find someone who's adventurous and outdoorsy if you're looking to get out there and you want to meet someone and you don't want to do life alone hinge is truly the best way to meet someone new of course everything will be linked down below and don't forget to refresh your own profile to show who you are today make reading more accessible get a Kindle I know everyone prefers to read with a physical book but a Kindle has helped me read so much more because I can bring it everywhere with me now I read on airplanes and trains and while waiting in line instead of resorting to just scrolling on my phone tune in more and by that I mean not just being present but also being really aware stepping back at a moment and just paying really specific attention through the way wind moves through tree branches or when you're at a restaurant paying attention and realizing how much time and attention to detail and planning it must have taken for the specific meal to end up on your plate don't rush from one chapter into the next I know at times can feel like I need to figure out what my next job's going to be I need to figure out where my partner's going to be I need to figure out where I'm going to live but your 20s is this incredibly unique decade that's beautiful and painful and confusing and fun once it's over it's over so why rush into this next chapter of life for example if you really want a long-term relationship and maybe a husband or a wife you really believe you're going to meet that person why day why would you try to Sprint to get there and sometimes end up with even the wrong person when you do meet that right person you're with them forever that's it you're locked in which I think is beautiful but leading up to that why not enjoy getting to meet other people dating or not or being single it could be your last time living with your best friends or living alone and you'll never get that season of life back seek out the friendships that make you feel better than when you arrive you don't have to stick with the same people just because of longevity or convenience you haven't met some of the most important and beautiful relationships of your life yet if you're in a place where maybe you're feeling lonely or you're feeling a bit hopeless just know that there are key figures who haven't even crossed your path yet will become an integral part of your life and change it for the better actively try to understand other people's perspectives an attempt to put yourself in the shoes of people with vastly different lives from your own whether it through be art or literature or film or history or podcasts or whatever it may be it'll really help widen the lens through which you view life and helps shift the way you interact with others one of the main ways I have done this is definitely through reading back in good old 2020 I made a goal to read a book a week and like that goal has changed over time it's gone from like 52 books till like 45 books a year to like now we're down to 35 but it still it makes it big difference from like Coulson Whitehead to Ocean Vang to my Angelou to eve babbits even all the way to Julia Fox and her Memoir like each book helps me enter a world through which I'll never be able to understand personally in my body and my life and my background gives me this rare insight and knowledge and at times Grace and compassion and frustration for lives and parts of the world and cultures that I'll never experience and has really just drastically changed the way I view the world and others and my place here tell your parents more and your grandparents just do it tell them you love them be selfish with your time and planning the direction in which you want to go with your life at the end of the day you have one life it's really up to you as to what it becomes and easy to get distracted with the opinions of others or the approval of others to choose the direction you're headed down pick your battles focus on what's important and learn to let go of the rest for me there are a few things less attractive than a reactive person like someone that gets annoyed super easily or they get angry when like a really small thing goes wrong and they're not able to just like brush things off at the end of the day life is short you got to learn to let the little things go in a very fast world it's okay to want to move slow and this one's very pointed at me because I'm constantly in a rush I'm really working on this one but there's no shame in wanting to just take things at a slower Pace to spend the time to really Savor a moment or experience to observe to create with an attention I think social media is a perfect example which is bit ironic because obviously I'm sharing this on YouTube but I think social media and its original form of course was for connection but it also was this place for people to share their very unique creative ideas whereas I think now if you want to make it on social media or if you want to be relevant you have to constantly be churning out these often redone trendy ideas to feed this like algorithmic beast that's hungry and wants to always be fed I think the offset to that would be allowing on yourself to carve out time to create something that that you're actually proud about and Find meaning in or just giv gives you a sense of excitement and you get to lean into your creative side rather than constantly needing to be productive it's okay a normal to be very lost most of us are confused most of us don't know where we're going or what we're doing and I feel like it's this little secret that you don't learn until adulthood that pretty much everyone feels this way you're not alone in that be responsible in the right areas trust me I'm all for having fun but have responsible fun it's your 20s live it up I'm going do it for the plot kind of gal like you'll catch me saying yes to a lot of different experiences because I'm like I'm only young and in my 2s1 learn within that to have you know wholesome fun fun that doesn't affect your future it's about learning to be responsible in the right right areas during the season of your life with your finances with your health with your career trajectory and with your most important relationships sit with the uncomfortable feelings and listen to what they're trying to tell you by this I don't mean necessarily wallowing in unpleasant feelings and marinating and just stewing in sadness but when feelings of sadness come up or maybe you're experiencing heartbreak or anxiety and you're someone maybe who's prone to pushing down those feelings and not wanting to address them I would challenge you to take the time to understand where they're coming from what they're trying to tell you you sit and process them and work through them so you can move on and move forward healed rather than having them bubble back up again in the future as they often do when you try to ignore them go to therapy choose your luxuries as someone who was very frugal for most of their life this one took me a long time to figure out and it's okay to let your taste refine a bit I think one of the main things is quality over quantity I think me several years ago would get the $50 coat whereas now I'd rather wait and save and make sure it's a CO I really like and perhaps spend $250 know that it's made well and it's made with good fabrics and it's something that I will wear for many years to come now I'd rather have like a smaller closet with higher quality pieces that I've saved up for because it makes me feel more put together and I know these are pieces I'm going to have for a really long time similar point would be it's okay to spend money to make your life a little bit easier um not on everything I mean if you know my channel you know I've about financial advice and so it's always important to be good with your money but if there's little things that make your life a little bit easier spend the money on them maybe you don't have a laundry machine so it's getting your laundry picked up and delivered from your own house maybe it's getting your groceries delivered I think a big one for me is I always now pay for the exit row seat I'm mean I'm 61 like I I'm too big to sit in regular economy if it's a really long flight if it's 3 hours whatever if it's 8 hours my knees are like in my face so I'm like you know what my life will be a little bit easier if I just spend a a little bit more and I get the exit row seat and then I'm much more refreshed and not sore and all cramped whenever I get to my final destination be bold say how you feel do that scary thing tell the person that you like them go on that solo trip life is so short in the grand scheme of things and move so fast your identity can always be changing this is something that's really stuck with me recently the parts that all come together so we can say yes this is me this is who I am I do these things I like these other things this is how I want people to see me this is the kind of person I am in the world in society what if we truly thought nothing was concrete and allowed ourselves to challenge these Norms constantly like who would we become if we let go of these ideas and allowed ourselves and our identity constantly like changing and fluid and flowing we've made it outside treasure those who try to know you I sometimes have a hard time describing this one but treasure those who try to see you at the end of the day we all want to feel seen and known and understood but honestly rarely do I think it comes down to valuing those people who at least try as imperfect and sometimes flawed as it may be whether that be your mom or your best friend or your partner because it's such a gift to even have somebody try don't settle so I'm not equating this to having these insanely high standards that will never be met cuz I feel like sometimes I hear this Narrative of like everyone's wanting a prince charming or vice versa depending on what you're interested in they themselves actually don't reflect the quality or the lifestyle the drive that they want in a partner so it's a little bit of like a tough love check yourself hot take but what I mean by this is that you'll never feel like you're too much for the right person and you should never be asking someone to love you or stick around or whatever the situation may be it's painful and it's beautiful and it's lonely and it's incredible figuring out life on your own while yes I personally would love a long-term loving caring relationship I would much rather stay single than settle for somebody who isn't going to at least match me where I'm at bring joy and love and respect into my life like don't mess with my peace and on that note I hope these lessons gave you a little bit more advice for your 20s as we're all trying to figure out this weird season in your life and on words into your 30s let's be real but I would also love to hear from you if you could leave a little comment on your top advice for navigating your 20s and the things you wish you would have known and on that now thanks so much for watching B