my last nyc vlog 💌 | thoughts on dating for the independent gals

Auto-captioned from the film, lightly cleaned. Elena's words, not edited prose.

if only I could finish something run straight through to the end close the chapter dignified dang girl hell good morning I'm obsessed with this new camera Alia who's an amazing YouTuber who you should watch if you don't already influence me to get this camera I love new tech let's make breakfast and talk shall we me at like 9:00 a.m. blasting how in Te to feel something you know so this is my last New York Vlog ah I'm freaking out because I'm moving which just feels insane cuz I've lived in this apartment for 3 years and I've also lived in the East Village for 5 years years so I've just spent so much of my life and like these incredibly developmental years here so I'm headed to Paris as my home base but I honestly am traveling so much already like I have so many trips booked for different reasons that anything if more I'm kind of entering a bit of a nomadic phase where I'm not having a full lease I'm just suing different places I just had a project come up to go to Jordan and I'm going to Lithuania a little nervous I'm a little anxious I think because I'm moving on my own so of course I'm so excited and I'm so grateful I can pull this off like it's all because of you guys and the fact that I can make videos on the go I there was just a hot man next to me I got nervous I realized I was all lot of coffee so hello New York how we doing I feel like as of late I've just been loving New York like my love for it has been kind of like reinvigorated and so I'm trying to be a little bit softer with myself with this I think younger me would be like you're going and commit for the long run but but I think in this case I'll kind of go until my Visa runs out in the fall and then assess if I want to stay longer or come back to New York which honestly gives me a lot of Peace for any of my hyper independent girls out there who have been solo traveling and taking care of themselves and doing so much on their own for so long and I've been single for a very long time I feel you you start to get a little tired of like giving yourself these big challenges I feel like I'm really entering this like season of uncertainty but I'm also just trying to trust myself and try out a new adventure and life's freaking short and when there's something you wanting to do for a while and you have the the tools to do it why not y'all but first we need coffee and maybe an umbrella oh God I'm not playing that game it's the same business with a different name who's the target sorry not in Hello darling how are we doing just getting some work done at home as we do I'm sad because my roommate Megan is moving out before me so she's moving out like in 2 days and so we decided we'd throw her just like a very mini little like going away party and just texted some friends last minute to come over for pizza this evening will be cute take a swig it's pouring rain outside but I told myself I'm sticking to this workout schedule so we're getting to the gym we're not slacking I'm trying to have muscles and there's nothing there we're working on it okay okay I think I'm obsessed with but I don't talk about a ton is I freaking love hair care like I love hair care skin care great fun beauty makeup fun but hair care I will go down the deepest rabbit holes to figure out all hair care options I love the RN Co leave in conditioner but I'm out but we're using this gizo for now I also love this rnco moisture and shine lotion if you deal with breakage K18 is really great as well as Olex number three more so if you have breakage from either Heat coloring obviously I don't color my hair but I dealt with a ton of breakage I think I had hormonal issues fun I love being a woman this orbe split and seal also the kerastas oil is so good I still think my favorite dry shampoo also not your mother's like this can't be V you can give me like high-end dry shampoo but this drugstore shampoo slaps hi look at that ulous the angle I'm not playing that game it's the business oh look at that sorry I'm not in the market if I quit buying you can't sell me anything no than how I'll just sitting on a rock Central Park Sunday Shenanigans trying to ground we're trying to Earth We're trying to Earth so much there's a lot going on around I know try but we're just on this freaking Rock Flo through space we having existential always this is how you try to get access to Nature in New York pretty the kind of person that has music playing at every minute of the day I really need to get those like Sonos speakers if you've been following along I had horrible horrible hormonal acne last August insert photo here it was painful death lead to the confidence if you've experienced bad acne you get it I don't know what I've done to deserve this and my skin is so much clearer now it's all thanks to acne Clinic just as a name implies a clinic that focuses on acne and skin treatments and literally their regimen saved my life so I'm on kind of an overall boring skincare routine a lot of this like Clear Point Pro skin formula but I still always top off with some moisturizers that I love I love if you have super dry skin this kally the rich cream as well as this one's a little bit bougier Lancome not me being a beauty blogger of course sunscreen too very important I almost always use Le Ro P these days need to be super productive today Equinox I'm go to let house very like productive hour going have a date tonight which I actually have a whole tangent to share theater hun dating hello my I was just working at my little place and today is the day of the eclipse we can wait 20 minutes we're going to the park I love The Vibes what you wait I can't no yeah it's going can see hello hello how are we doing I'm about to go on a date and you might be like Elena why are you going on a date if you're for one I kind of made it a resolution for myself to put myself out there more kind of figure out just more about like what I like who I am leaning into this new kind of thought process dating I think when you can reframe it instead of being like I need to find the right person out of this or like it's all about me reframing it like there are a lot of really interesting people out there and it's a chance to get to know people's different stories okay but why I wanted to turn this into a vlog was I was having a really interesting DM exchange with um thecal Dana a follower if you're watching Dana shout out so someone had asked me how do you make the most out of being single in your 20s I've only had one like really long-term relationship and then there's like two other people that I dated for a decent amount of time on and off and then there's been a lot of flings and whatnot and enough interesting stories to fill the Memoir one day stay tuned there's been there's been some characters so when someone asked me this I said it allows total autonomy of your schedule decisions interests and Direction you're taking in life I think it's important to be selfish in quotations in this season for a little while to understand what paths you want to pursue what brings you fulfillment and meaning and who you want to be as an independent individual so that you can show up as a better partner down the line when the timing is right if you want a long-term relationship I also always strived and was taught to be fiercely independent for a very very long time most of my life but as I grow older I've loved seeing myself changed into a softer lover girly after all it's not going to necessarily relate to everyone out there but I think for the people who can relate to I think it's a helpful conversation to have and one that I haven't seen people talk about and that is for the girls out there who were either raised or taught to be or kind of consumed this message of being like fiercely independent the whole Narrative of like I don't need a man but to such a degree that you maybe have stayed single for a lot of your life and haven't put yourself in situations where you can actually like truly allow somebody to like enter in I was embarrassed until probably just like a year or two ago to even be able to admit that like oh a relationship with somebody could be nice I also find it tricky to actually like commit to one person because of like how independent I am and and this way I've kind of like formed my life how hard it is to find somebody who can actually like keep up perhaps you're in the group where you grow up and you Prov to yourself oh I am incredibly independent like I got myself like I've been able to give myself a really beautiful life but it can also end up being obviously quite lonely I think there's like different buckets of love like family love friend love and romantic love as much as some of them can be full the others can be still actively feeling empty right now I would say my family and friend cups are like briming but it doesn't pour into the relationship one it's different or when I was in a long-term relationship in the past and I was new to New York and I didn't have that many friends and I was still kind of getting acquainted with the city like my friendship cup felt super empty and as much as my relationship was good at the time that little friendship bucket still actively felt like it was lacking I feel like I've still like come to like learn over the time that this whole like I don't need a man level of feminism it's actually a bit destructive it's been painful me to admit I'm learning that it's strong and brave to need somebody allow yourself to be a sof after more open version of yourself be able to lean on other people and not have to do everything on their loan I also grew up in a very like Christian Community Purity culture Etc so all of those things together I feel like led to me being really independent and closed off I'd say it today in 20124 I see a lot more people or maybe it's just on Tik Tok acknowledging it's a bit outdated to just have to be like I Don't Need No Man and can realize that they can be strong independent capable individuals who admitting they want a loving relationship and these two things can exist together the the day I feel like the whole purpose of life is just to love and be loved like none of this other really matters I wanted to share this cuz it's not going to relate to everybody I'm sure a lot of you are out there have been in relationships for years or you're married so this is necess for you guys love you all I hope you're happy and in love for everybody else that this might relate to I just feel like I haven't really seen people talk about this kind of gray area I feel like I see content on like being you know a badass woman doing your things Sol traveling whatever and then I see the like Tik toks or whatever of girls being like in these really loving relationships where they're not super independent but they're treated like a princess or whatever what about the gray area or the people who have been a certain way for so long they're slowly learning to reframe this way of thinking with all that being said I've been going on a lot more dates as of recently for now it's really fun to kind of just get the ball rolling and like as a chance to meet really interesting people see what I like what I don't like and also learn to like kind of tap into these different like versions of myself and like exist in like these different energies that I carry and it's been fun the plot has been thick I need to look back with no regrets and I love looking back with like a full Memoir for me and my personality I feel like that's been good I feel like if I had met somebody at 22 I would have wandered in all of my 20s like oh my God what else is out there and like I feel like I've been able to experience it over the last few years and I also have confidence that nobody that I've met so far in my past has been someone where I've looked back and be like oh what if like having these different experiences I feel like has kind of helped shape me hopefully there's some of you out there who like understand what I'm talking about and can resonate because I felt like I was alone that in a while and then this conversation with Dana I was like that was a really good point it's a very interesting process to kind of like reframe the way you see relationships and life and balance and all of that so okay that was a lot of chit chatting okay I'm so excited I have a little Premiere in New York tonight which is always so fun let's let's get ready on that note jump scare so I went for like the old Hollywood curls is this a look I don't know red carpet just is like pinched me 15-year-old 16-year-old me even 22-year-old me would be like girl what the hell I usually bring a friend just to stir the pot on the old Channel and I'm bringing a man I literally need to leave in five minutes I'll show you the final look okay what do we think oh look did my own makeup this dress is so pretty dressing it down with my like super high boots good bun three more in my bed with no really orse I just had a lovely little hang with Vivien who's a super cool Creator and brilliant scientist and PhD cand it I'm going to head out to a little run club and I haven't run in a couple weeks so I'm a little nervous but I'm excited it's with Vasa um the shoe brand and I love their team so I'm excited I think it's like perfect weather for it hello just came back from one club with vja love them I got to meet their team in Paris and they are so sweet so it was so nice to go to a running event I ran into TAA the tumor times there Brett Cony Alia and some other creative friends and we were chatting about how lovely it is to connect with people over like fitness-based activities and how it's so easy in a place like New York to just kind of get sucked into this like endless cycle of like SC events also kind of like to live in the extremes I love my techno night outs and my house music course love being fit and healthy and active and I love connecting with people that way but I like I'll get up at 7:00 a.m.

on a Monday to go to the gym at 8: but I also could very easily be staying out till 3: dancing on a Friday at times I can have a bit of an identity crisis when it comes to that feel like for anybody who grew up in religious more restrictive communities in my case I also went to a religious University it was a dry campus definitely did not have the classic college experience and then I moved to New York and I got into a long-term relationship with somebody who bit older and didn't drink alcohol or do anything like that didn't go out never experienced that part of New York in my early 20s and then Co hit in my like early 20s into my mid 20s and then only as Co ended to kind of want to experience this more youthful side of life and like take that take that as you will like for me it's kind of just like wanting to go out to a DJ set and like listen to great music and dance with friends because I didn't experience that at this younger age and guess what I'm trying to get at with these very scattered thoughts is that it's okay to experience things in different processes and stages and ages than you expect to do what makes you happy live in the gray area screw the timeline that you think you should belong to if it's not serving you if it's not the like trajectory you've had and just do what do what you want to do I hope this is making sense this is this is a little scatterbrained I just ran like like 5 miles and I'm tired you know life's short