how i enjoy doing things alone | paris diaries

Auto-captioned from the film, lightly cleaned. Elena's words, not edited prose.

There's a thin filled off you that the world you see is a fragal thing, but it's only in your mind. Oh my god, it's way too heavy. Crawl back in my Hi. Hello. This is my first video in my dream Paris apartment. I can't believe I'm saying that. If you're new here, I moved to Paris about a year ago and I've been in like two and a half apartments over the last year and I've done a lot of moving around and I have searched far and wide and I have finally found my dream apartment.

I ended up using an agency called Vong Agency. I basically help foreigners find furnish apartments, but like I'm in love. Anyways, I'm just so excited. I've had this video that I've been wanting to make for literally like the last 5 or 6 months. Like I wanted to make this back in the fall because I keep getting messages about people being like, "Allena, how do you enjoy spending time alone?" Because I feel like notoriously on this channel, I've done a lot of big moves by myself. I travel a lot alone and I just spend a lot of time by myself.

It is something that I have learned to enjoy over time and not just to like tolerate it, but to truly find like joy and meaning and confidence and utilize it to its fullest potential. So, let's talk about the art of being alone. Hello from another corner of my apartment. We are going to take my coffee and a little to go cup and we're going to go walk to one of my favorite parks and just have a little journal and have a little sit. I'm trying to incorporate more hawker walks if you will in the morning.

Basically just like getting outside and making sure I like get fresh air and ideally sunshine, but that's a big ask here in Paris. This is my incredibly small party pack for um enjoying time by yourself. AirPods when you're tired of being with your thoughts. It happens. A book aka a Kindle because we like to travel light. And literally a journal. That's it. It's all I really love to bring with me whenever I'm roaming around. Let's go, shall we? What does the French say? My god, it's way too heavy. Sink into the earth.

I'm ready. Flesh and bone are so unsaid. So, let's chat before we get on with the day a little bit about why I wanted to talk about this in my own story. I feel like I've seen people talk about this, but the people who are usually talking about it are often people who are already quite introverted and really really enjoy spending time by themselves or sometimes it's people who are talking about it, but they're in long-term relationships and they live with a partner. I feel like I don't always hear this perspective from someone who is also very social and loves to be around people.

I would say I'm an introvert in terms of the definition of I gain more energy by being alone and I prefer deeper smaller connections than a lot of like excess social stimulation. But I'm very much like an extroverted introvert. I enjoy my alone time and can enjoy my own presence. I'm also very social. I love to spend time with friends. I love to be in community. So I'm in this like in between state and I feel like there are a lot of other people out there who are like this. So, I feel like this video is goes up to my introverts and my extroverts.

I see both of you. I understand both of you. This is for you. A little bit about why I'm uh qualified to talk about this. Here's my resume of being alone. I also moved to New York by myself 6 years ago and then decided to challenge myself again and let's do it again from the top and moved to Paris by myself. So, I've learned to spend a lot of time by myself. So, I've really learned to be comfortable with myself too outside of romantic partnerships. I feel like this could apply to so many people.

Maybe you're a serial dater and you're trying to learn how to be comfortable being on your own. Or maybe you really struggle to find good friendships in this season of life and you want to befriend yourself. It's cheesy. Bear with me. I promise it'll be worth it. Or maybe you are in a relationship and you just want to grow your independence and be comfortable taking yourself out to to dinner, to sew, travel, whatever it may be. But I think genuinely figuring this out and leaning into this like relationship with myself is the biggest gift I've given myself in my 20s because it allows me to create the life I really want to create for myself.

attract and be careful with the people that I have in my immediate circle and just to enjoy the beauty of life and experiences and not have to wait around for someone to do it with you. So, let's have a little day in Paris and kind of talk about this concept of learning to enjoy being good on your own. But before we go, I wanted to talk about what I'm wearing today. I have this insane cashmere sweater on. I've been wearing every single day for Lily Silk. And I want to do a little Lily Silk haul before we hit the road because their pieces have been a staple.

So, if you're unfamiliar with Lily Silk, they make a lot of really amazing pieces that are just kind of like staples for your wardrobe, but specifically from really high quality fibers like silk, cashmere, linen, you name it. All the products they have are just very versatile and timeless. They're the type of pieces that you have in your wardrobe truly forever. And alongside being really high quality, they also go out of their way to be environmentally conscious. They really meticulously choose the materials that they're using within their products and go out of their way to incorporate eco-friendly fibers.

So, starting off with what I already have on, we have the cable knit Kashmir Kunic sweater. This is so soft. Like, yes, Kashmir is soft, but this Kashmir specifically just feels incredibly soft. It's 100% beige Kashmir and it has this rib knit like crew neck style to it. Next, we have this sleeveless full zip vest going on. It's made with 100% silk twill. Obsessed with the color and this bold zip. we got going on down the middle. The silk as well has this very like lightweight and fluid feel to it.

It's very like airy and breathable, especially as we're heading into the summer. We also have these tailored kneelength wool shorts that are made with 100% marina wool. I feel like the length of this always reminds me of like Scandinavian Copenhagen specific type of fashion. We have the flared double-faced silk maxi skirt. I chose this like gorgeous olive green color which I love. And then we have the elegant button-up silk shirt. This was definitely one of my other favorites. Like do you see that color? and it has that smooth and soft and natural sheen to it.

And last, we have this kind of blazery fit. It is a single button silk wool blend coat. I love with the kind of oversized fit of it. And again, it's one of those pieces that I feel like you can really wear it in so many different situations. Like I said earlier, Lily Silk products are mainly made of natural high quality fabrics like silk, cashmere, and wool. And you can get a discount by using my code. Some people know just how it is. And I know I got to stand my ground.

Some people say what's on their mind. We have pen of sugar. It's secure. Get yourself a little snack. We've got great music on. We have thankfully good weather. And we're about to sit on a beautiful body of water. I'm very excited to go enjoy my presents. Let's go. Hello. First things first, a little quasle test. I mean, technically, this is Panosa. So, I didn't click on this first. Food ASMR or mukbang, but here we are. Anyways, am I a little uncomfortable filming this in public? Yes. Did I also feel a little awkward when I started doing things alone?

Yes, I did. But here's the thing for both things. Nobody cares. Literally, nobody gives a And I think it's also important to keep in mind that growth starts at the edge of discomfort anyway. So it's good to push yourself. I feel like the key is to sit with the awkwardness long enough to work your way through it cuz you'll feel that discomfort when you're sitting at a coffee table alone or if you're brave enough go to a restaurant bar and there's that minute or 2 minutes that you just at least me with social anxiety feels that deep discomfort like in my chest.

But within two to three minutes of sitting and accepting the moment and realizing again nobody cares, it passes. And the more you do it, the more comfortable it becomes. Now, I want to talk about the difference of feeling lonely versus being alone. First off, a physical presence doesn't have to do anything with being alone. You can be in a relationship and feel incredibly alone. You can be in part of a friend group and feel lonely as hell. It doesn't make a difference. And at the end of the day, the only person you're with your entire life is yourself.

I hate to break it to you. It's you and your thoughts in your head and your heart. And this is something I've really thought about the last like 5 to 10 years about how important is to cultivate that friendship because no matter what, even if you're in a loving relationship, it's you and your thoughts at the end of the day that are going to be with you constantly. But if you're feeling alone, let's work through this. I think the primary thing is to flip the script a little bit. Focus on what you get out of being alone and what you get out of this season of life, whether it's for a long time or simply passing by.

So if you don't have a good relationship with yourself, odds are a relationship with someone else or a friendship aren't going to fix that. The deeper we understand and care for ourselves, the better we can show up for other people down the line. Then I guess the next question would be, how do I become an independent person? How do I enjoy time by myself? For one, don't resist it. You're being brought back to you, back to yourself. This is the exciting part when you get to figure out who you are, what you want, what you like, without anyone influencing you or pushing you in a certain direction.

You get to completely focus on yourself. Your brain and your interests and your time can be occupied by you. You get to focus on the things that you want. The hobbies you've always wanted to explore, the passions you may have. I think learning to enjoy your solitude to me feels a lot like building a muscle. It's kind of a practice. And making a list of those small things that just bring me so much joy by myself has brought me to a place where I don't feel lonely and I truly just enjoy my solitude.

Like right now, come on. And of course, being by the sand in Paris does not hurt. But at the same time, I've done the same thing in New York City with the smallest patches of grass or in, you know, suburban boring California where I just find some tree to lean against and it has the same effect. Make your time alone about the things you enjoy. And if you don't know what you like, start just trying all the things. Fill up this time with trying out new things you've always been curious about.

This is when your personal style, your creativity, your values start to emerge more clearly. You're not changing or shaping yourself or anyone else. You're just you. So whether it's all the way from a solo trip to just a quiet afternoon with your own thoughts, I would say honestly romanticize these moments. You're never really alone when you've learned to enjoy your own company. We all have these beautiful gifts and passions and skills and we usually cultivate this most when we're alone. What I also like to do is make a list of the things that I know I love.

Like I genuinely think museums are best enjoyed alone. I love a long walk with good music, sitting at a coffee shop with a book, a journal in the park, buying yourself that bouquet of flowers and not waiting for someone else to get it for you. Maybe there's something new to discover in this season that's honestly going to change your life. need what I thought I knew. If I see you coming out of thought through time to simple feel losing everything that I could be this is a fantastic way to enjoy your alone time.

takeaway that I've realized, not realized, saw on a Tik Tok was the annoying acceptance that the little self-care things that people recommend actually work. Like, wow, I do feel so much better when I've taken time to move my body, go on a walk, work out, read a book, journal about my feelings. I do those self-care steps that are just proven to make yourself feel better. And I'm not treating myself with an amazing meal. We have a cute little face mask. Going to pop on a TV show. Life is good. Heat.

Heat. N.